.

2009-08-12T12:48:00.001-05:00

I have moved elsewhere...

2009-08-12T12:45:00.002-05:00

Loving life and posting to a new blog that is completely the new moi...

Rorie had a good personality, but the new moi, the real moi, has an even better one!

Rorie's Rants: Getting Renovated!

2009-02-20T08:55:00.004-06:00

Going "Green" at my house!

2009-02-16T12:31:00.000-06:00

Ranting: Money don't mean much....

2009-02-10T08:24:00.008-06:00

There are two key things people need to keep in mind about the supposed "wealthy:"

1. Having money does not make you immune to being trashy.....

2. Having money does not make you any smarter.....

I live a a nicer newer neighborhood. And, for some silly little reason I thought that would mean a different class of people... WRONG!

A particular neighbor of mine (whom had no interest in meeting myself -may I add- but was super excited to introduce herself to my cop) is trying to sell her home for $270,000. It is a gorgeous house. Apparently she owns her own interior design business. Great! This makes me think it will be staged quite well to be pleasing to buyers even in this economic slump. BUT, and this is where #1 and 2 come in, it is February 10th and she still has a huge Christmas tree at her door with lighted presents and candy canes lining her walkway. Baby, it's time to put the shiz up because buyers are not going to jump on the Christmas in July bandwagon when looking for their next home..... Also, the fact that your water got cut off and you have left the pink slip notice from the water department on your front door for a little too long makes you look like dirty dipstick....I'm not a realtor or the world's biggest genius, but I have a neat little tool called common sense.... stop being a skank for five minutes & let me know if you need more advice to handle your business! ...anything I can do to help you OUT!

::::Rant Completed::::

Which floor please?

2009-02-05T07:09:00.000-06:00

....the other morning I stood on the elevator for 5 minutes before I realized I never pressed a floor.

My choices are first floor or second floor... I was on the first floor, so second floor was the obvious answer.

But, me being, well- me, failed to press any button and stood there plateaued searching for my office keys in my purse until the door opened and I was still on the first floor.

"Hmmmmmm." I know I looked dazed and confused.

The lady there, knowing there were only two floors, looked rather confused herself because I was not getting off the elevator, just staring at her....

.....it is a wonder I am allowed to be unsupervised by any other human being in the morning, let alone drive myself to work....

Too true!

2009-01-27T14:15:00.000-06:00

Montra

2009-01-26T10:51:00.000-06:00

"Never allow someone to be your Priority,
While allowing yourself to be their Option."

This is what I am living by now. I used to vow to never be a push-over, but that is because I slid myself over before the other person had the opportunity to do so.... this was my fault. It was my issue that I was not standing up for myself and my worth.
But, this was only my issue until I made it known. Once I brought this to light it was in the other person's court to either acknowledge and act upon or ignore it. Unfortunately some people choose to ignore the fact that they minimize you.

"Never allow someone to be your Priority,
While allowing yourself to be their Option."

This is where I grew enough in myself to walk away. I left a marriage and a few long time friendships for this very reason. Some spectators may view this as selfish, but in actuality it is quite healthy. I have gained an amount of emotional energy from not pouring myself into anyone that does not replenish me. Granted, I have fewer people to turn to- but if that handful of people will always be there, why spread yourself thin over those that won't....

"Don't start none, Won't be none"

2009-01-21T07:00:00.000-06:00

This is my motto and slightly more harsh take on The Golden Rule: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

Don't start no $%*& ,won't be no $%*&!!

For some reason, whether the more traditional phrase or my modernized one, this is a hard concept for people to grasp. I am not going to offer you respect, trust or support that you are not willing to offer me. At the same time, I will not offer you harsh words or hard times if undeserved.

That's all. Thank you.

2009-01-19T21:32:00.001-06:00

Rules of the Road

2009-01-12T07:00:00.000-06:00

Some people actually have to be places on Sundays... your mid afternoon jolly ride is obstructing others.

(S)he who has the grill guard wins.

If you have an Ole Miss license plate or decal on the back of your vehicle, you have your head up your ass when you are behind the wheel. This is not a collegiate rivalry issue- this is fact based on numerous observations of mine and my favorite police.

70 year old women with hunched backs should not be truck drivers.

You should not walk on the side of a busy highway during 5 o'clock traffic. Ever.

Turning your hazard lights on does not grant you the right to go 30 mph on the interstate, nor does it give you a pass to go 90 mph.

Damages

2009-01-07T07:06:00.003-06:00

The most destructive thing you can do to your home in ten minutes....

...some may disagree....

...but I will put up a strong debate from personal experience....

THE MOST DESTRUCTIVE THING YOU CAN DO TO YOUR HOME IN TEN MINUTES:

Hanging a shower curtain rod.

Me and my handy handsome partner managed to harm some sheet rock, drop (three times) and break the shower curtain rod in question....

There were foul words. Is this really a task that takes a professional? There are not even directions that come with the rod. I do not understand the complications of this seemingly simple task.....

For 2009, I choose Good

2009-01-06T10:51:00.003-06:00

The BUZZzzzzzzzz

2008-12-30T09:19:00.011-06:00

I have been busy as a bee this year:

~letting go of the guilt brought out by my honesty...

~feeling the unconditional love of my parents when I expected disappointment...

~finding a lasting love in my best friend and getting lost in his eyes...

~making the new house a home, a haven of peace and relaxation that I have always sought...

~discovering that some men can be great shoppers and amaze you with the most thoughtful gifts...

~finally acknowledging my insecurities and working towards letting them go...

~realizing how mothers can love all their children differently but equally, through my fur babies (four precious dogs)...

~putting my needs above other's opinions...

~being at peace with it all...

I hope you can all find peace as this year wraps up.
Much love to you all and best wishes for the new year!

The Law of the Garbage Truck

2008-12-09T08:41:00.004-06:00

On one of my many travels, I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport.

We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy; and I mean, he was really friendly. So I asked, 'Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!' This is wh en my taxi driver taught me what I now call, 'The Law of the Garbage Truck.'

He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you. Don't take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets.

The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day. Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so...... 'Love the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don't.'

Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it.

2008-12-08T11:33:00.003-06:00

IF A FAT GUY GRABS YOU

AND PUTS YOU IN A BAG,

DON'T WORRY I TOLD SANTA

I WANTED A GOOD FRIEND

FOR CHRISTMAS!

Flaws and All...

2008-12-05T14:38:00.001-06:00

It's nice to be naughty!

2008-12-03T10:01:00.004-06:00

Viva Las Vegas

2008-12-01T07:11:00.006-06:00

This Thanksgiving I was thankful for smooth airplane flights, bright lights, slot machines, dancers with feathers, decks of cards, cheap buffets, and the hoover dam.

I was thankfully celebrating with my wonderful parents and the best friend a girl could ask for in the great Las Vegas.

Hope you had a fat happy day!

Mommy Dearest

2008-11-21T07:02:00.001-06:00

I am not a mother yet.

I do not know all of the little tips and tricks in dealing with your kid. If they will not stop screaming at the top of their lungs and swatting at me, do not question me if their diaper is on backwards, at least I got the damn thing on at all!

I do not fully grasp the planning it takes just to leave the house. Bag, bottle, stroller, blanket, the mechanics of a car seat, etc….. I just leave! Do not down me for the simplicities in my life, you were there once.

I do not fully understand how hard it is to get a babysitter. I have dogs. They have a cage. For extended occasions, I call the vet to reserve a kennel to board them…. One call, that’s all! I will be glad to help you out when I can, though my seemingly flexible schedule does not make me a built in babysitter. Just know if I do keep your kid and you do not provide explicit directions I can not be held responsible for disruptions to their schedule. No payment is necessary; reinforcing my memory with the importance of taking my birth control is payment enough!

Please do not call me at 7:00 am on a Saturday morning. My non-existent child has not stuck their fingers up my nose to wake me, I am still sound asleep.

With all of this noted, I am not completely useless nor am I anti-child. I love them. I just have a lot of motherly instinct to discover and practice makes perfect so exposure to children is positive. And just because I do not have a child does not mean I am not game for outings with kids. I have observed that in a group of friends the one(s) without children often get left out of some loops. I will still come to your kid’s birthday party. I will bring a gift that will make terrible loud sounds and become their favorite causing you to resent me for a while, but I would still come and it would be wonderful to be included for once. Mommies too often gang together and then only turn to us single girls when they need to get out and get a drink. It’s a shame, it makes us feel very separated and it’s time to start calling you out on it.

"I know a Girl"

2008-11-20T08:30:00.008-06:00

Isn't is a shame when you feel the need to mask or minimize your happiness because you just don't feel like those people closest to you will react with the same enthusiasm. There are some lyrics from Chicago, The Musical that make me laugh because I honestly think this is how some people in my life portray me at times:

I know a girl -A girl who lands on top
You could put her face into a pail of slop
And she'd come up smelling like a rose
How she does it, heaven knows.

I know a girl -A girl with so much luck
She could get run over by a ten-ton truck
Then brush herself off and walk away
How she does it, couldn't say

I, On the other hand
Put my face in a pail of slop
And I would smell like a pail of slop
I, On the other hand
Get run over by a truck
And I am deader that a duck

I know which friend to call when great things happen for me. She will be just as excited for me as if it were her own success. This is a great quality, because really at that level of friendship she finds happiness from my happiness. Even when she is having an "I hate everyone" or "need more wine" kind of day, I always feel uplifted after I share with her and appreciate her support.

On the other hand, there are those people you can feel equally as close to on certain levels, but you know your happiness may just make them sick because they can not look past their own hurdles long enough to offer congratulations. These are the people I have learned to just casually mention positive events to in conversation..... not ever the first person I call because I am worried I will come off as bragging and my level of positivity may be squashed.

After time, you feel much closer to the people who are initially happy for you because they wind up knowing so much more about you. The other people really miss out on what is going on in your life because they only get the Cliff's Notes version.

Anyway, exciting things are happening for me and those supportive people already know, and those others might realize it when they read it here on their own time...

One Word

2008-11-19T07:20:00.001-06:00

I am such a wordy, descriptive person.

This is my challenge: describing so many things with only one word!

1. Where is your cell phone? desk
2. Your pet(s)? heathens
3. Your hair? curly
4. Your mother? loving
5. Your father? funny
7. Your dream last night? forgot
8. Your favorite drink? wine
9. Your dream/goal? success
10. The room you're in? office
11. Your fear? betrayal
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? mommy
13. Where were you last night? home
14. What you're not? tall
15. beans, beans, and more beans: mexican
16. One of your wish list items? diamond
17.Where you grew up? everywhere
18. The last thing you did? text
19. What are you wearing? boots
20. Your TV? flat
21. Your car? paid!
22. your computer? uncooperative
23. Your life? blessed
24. Your mood? complacent
25. Missing someone? him
26. Favorite pastime? dancing
27. Something you're not wearing? make-up
28. Favorite Store? Target
29. Your summer? interesting
30. Your favorite color? hmmmm
31. When is the last time you laughed? earlier
32. Last time you cried? week

Monday Morning

2008-11-17T07:15:00.000-06:00

Sharing a Life Together

2008-11-14T07:32:00.001-06:00

It seems like everybody I have talked to recently is not having a smooth week relationship wise, maybe it is something with the moon.... anyway various conversations have sparked more inquiries on my part...

I guess people are just used to what they grew up seeing. My parents have always shared everything (except minor details like the actual cost of my first wedding, etc.).

And like I said it may just be because that is how I grew up, but I think when you share a life together, then you should really share anything and everything in your life together. There is no "yours" or "mine," there is simply "ours."

It seems it probably used to be much more simple: when you got married, you combined everything.

In these changing times, people are living together far before marriage. What are the rules for combining things if you are just "shacking up?" And there are so many other issues that our parents never had to deal with, like in their days they didn't have to discuss odd technological privacy's like sharing myspace or e-mail account passwords.... do you merge these things along with everything else? Or is that a complete invasion of self and one thing that will eternally remain "mine?"

Also, I hear of more and more couples today having separate bank accounts from their spouse. You get married and "two bodies become one flesh," but your money doesn't mix? I just can't wrap my head around that. Maybe it is just easier because you live with the person for so long under those conditions that it just stays that way after the vows?

My ultimate question is what does it mean in these modern times to truly "share a life together?"

2008-11-13T08:56:00.000-06:00

Today

2008-11-12T08:37:00.006-06:00

I love when the weather matches my mood, cloudy fits right now.

I despise when ex's are an issue for anyone (obviously from my last blog).

I enjoy walking through the leaves in the fall, and doing so on my way into work was the highlight of my morning.

I do not know why I ever try to start out my day without caffeine in hand.

I am glad those drivers did not hear the obscenities I yelled at them from my car.

I will come to terms with the fact that I can not solve the world's problems- somtimes not even my own- by myself.

I wish my hair would coopereate when it is rainy, or any time for that matter.

I hope my attitude and motivation improve.

My suggestion: Own up to it!

2008-11-10T08:22:00.007-06:00

There are some people out there that you are just bound not to get along with. It happens... not all personalities mesh, and you do not always have to appreciate every one's company.

THEN there are those people that you despise because of a third parties actions regarding that person. This is not by any means the way to be, but again- it happens! For example in high school I absolutely despised a girl for years --for the purpose of this rant we will name her Kristen. When my then boyfriend and I had broken up he told me he started keeping the company of this particular girl, Kristen. I wanted to step on her pale face with my stilettos and chop off what was left of her horrible hair cut. I had (have) the slightest of a jealous bone. Eventually the guy and I started dating again. He and Kristen never panned out to much, but she was still very much in his circle of friends and I did not appreciate this at all. I made it known that I was a tid bit uncomfortable with the situation. Much later at a gathering that we all happened to be at, with me by his side(!!!!!), Kristen came up to my guy and said "Why don't you ever call anymore?" I could have spit lava. Long story short, Kristen was the little sister of my guy's good friend. They were nothing. Ever. She was actually dating someone else at the time we were apart and he was using her name to make me jealous. Though still a stupid skank move on her part, she was inquiring why my guy never called her house, aka her brother, anymore. I had despised this girl for so long and cursed her name and she never even realized it or knew why. Turns out our personalities really would not have meshed well in the first place, BUT it was my guys fault for creating this tension in the first place and it was his place to own up to it.

Very 'high school' I know, but issues like this still occur in the grown up world. Example: If you are dating someone and they fail to mention your relationship to a friend that happens to be an ex because it may hurt their feelings, the ex ends up getting the brunt of your hatred even though it is not their issue at all. Any hope of the new flame having any amount of respect for the ex has gone out the window replaced with ill will and the ex ultimately had nothing to do with the situation. Furthermore, in attempting to avoid hurting your ex's feelings you have crushed your current companions and crushed any chance that further down the road you will be able to maintain any type of communication with the ex without causing serious friction. If the ex calls or texts, they are really innocent because they do not know there is someone else in the picture and they do not realize that they are causing issues. All the while, your ex that you were on good terms with has no idea why you have had to cut off ties.... There comes a point where you have to make the decision whether or not to own up to it all. You created this situation and tension. If you still do not want to own up to the relationship to the ex, then you shouldn't be in it! If you want to cut any tension with the new flame, you tell the ex that you have indeed been in the relationship since [insert actual time here!]... and you apologize to both parties for your failure to own up to the situation in the first place!

Just a suggestion, but it really seems simple doesn't it?

"Polished"

2008-11-07T08:48:00.004-06:00

My hair is always a mess even when I spend half an hour straightening it, I am habitually late, innocently forgetful, I trip over myself-the sidewalk-and anything else in my path, I spill things, and from all of this I have come to terms with the fact that I am a beautiful wreck.

I have coined the phrase "polished" to describe those women that seem to have it all together. They are always on time, dressed to perfection, always accessorised, not a hair out of place. I often despise these women, even more so on particularly spastic days.

It occurred to me the other day though through various conversations I have recently had with good friends and others in passing, that these women I envy for being "polished" often recipricate envy for my seemingly non-chalant attitude. I am not trapped in a mold I have created for myself and the fact that I nearly always throw my hair in a messy bun and show up to work 12 minutes late everyday is seen as my personal freedom.

Another realization: I have noticed on the days that I am not spazzing out and do have it more together than usual I apprear polished to other spastic women and I do not give myself credit for my "polishing!"

These self-acceptance epiphany's are fabulous!

Just go with it...

2008-11-04T09:36:00.002-06:00

What I am looking for next...

2008-10-29T12:24:00.001-05:00

I bought a chunky bracelet the other day that inspired me, and I intend to wear it with every outfit that it matches. In a very pretty script it says: "Do Not Settle For Less." So there you have it... and I do not intend to. A best friend once told me, "I would rather be alone than with someone that made me unhappy." I get that now.

Another wise influence in my life once stated that people will continue to be disappointed because they do not know what it is they are really looking for. I have started a list of what I want, and hold full rights to make additions as I see needed:

Someone who makes me laugh every day, not just on occasion.

Someone who will meet me at the gas station to pump my gas because I despise the chore of it.

Someone who tells me I am beautiful when I wake up in the morning knowing my hair is a mess, and still really means it.

Someone who calls just to say "I love you" with no other agenda.

Someone who asks my opinion and listens, because he genuinely wants it and wants to include me in making decisions.

Someone who will call me out on my bossiness, but also give in when appropriate.

Someone who is just possessive enough to make me feel wanted but not caged.

Someone who will scrape/defrost my windshield on unbearably cold mornings.

Someone who expresses equal excitement about our future together.

Someone who enjoys surprising me with other various sweet little deeds to further show his love and commitment.

FOR YOU (you know who you are!):

2008-10-27T08:34:00.001-05:00

2-4-6-8 hope you soon recooperate!!

2008-10-22T14:28:00.010-05:00

(Picture me with Pom-pons doing the above cheer for MMP! ::herkie:: ::toe touch::)

So, Miss Mud Puddle has had some recent surgery, and I asked her to keep me updated with the process.... because after all- I am such a GREAT friend and overall fabulously caring person in general- (and think highly of myself apparently)! Anyway, enough about lil' ol' me... back to Mud... I did get updates through out the process, including numerous texts from her while she was preparing to go "under the knife."

I was even privileged enough to receive photos of her surgery garments, as she seemed to be enamored with her disposable bra and panties that she was going to debut for the doctors!

And I am still not quite sure how she snuck her phone with her, but once loaded up on what I could only assume were some fascinating drugs including Valium, I got this text:

"I'm like a paper doll wit paper clothes & a paper hat... 'Cept they just loaded me up with val and something that starts with a T!? Bye hookas!!!"

Post-surgery I was privileged to further updates such as:

"I'm seeping."

"It looks like I had my period all over my side... but it's not period blood."

"Holymotherfriggenjezushelpme I'm sore."

This is what I have always thought!

2008-10-20T08:51:00.010-05:00

So in my new found appreciation of law enforcement, I have decided to dress as a sexy sassy cop. And my dear best (actual) police officer friend has so willingly agreed to join me dressed as a convict. We will be a fabulous pair! Just love it when a great plan comes together!

Underneath My Clothes

2008-10-15T15:28:00.004-05:00

The finest clothing made is a person's skin, but, of course, society demands something more than this. ~Mark Twain

My closet and the mountains of clothing in my home give me anxiety. I have no one else to blame really, it is all mine. Oh wait, I blame Eve! I would be perfectly fine wearing nothing but a fig leaf. But, noooo this got ruined early on! Now this is only acceptable for Britney to do in concert while singing "I'm a Slave 4 you!"

I need help. I am enlisting a very honest friend to come over and spout of at the mouth with purging inspirational words like "That is hideous!" or "Dear God, please do not ever wear that in public..!"

I'll let you know if we make a dent.....

I get this A LOT lately.......

2008-10-14T16:07:00.000-05:00

Country Club to Back-woods Country

2008-10-13T10:47:00.006-05:00

I am slowly but surely becoming a "Backwoods Barbie."

This weekend I was taken four-wheeler riding. Only my second time on a four-wheeler ever- first time in mud!

I had a blast. A BLAST! I even drove tha' thing, and despite a few instances where I got the bike in some awkward positions and tried to break my wrist, I was pretty good!

I got muddy! I peed in the woods! I made my country back woods friend proud! I have some bruises (including one on my lip from drinking and riding!) and some bug bites. But I am now a lil' more countrified.

I feel as if I could make this somewhat of a habit. And my wonderful friend bought me the perfect accessory for next time to be a 100% BACKWOODS BARBIE:

AREN'T THEY PERFECT!?!?!

Wow, this was my life....

2008-10-09T10:12:00.004-05:00

From the trailer, the new movie Fireproof, portrays my expirience as the "Desperate FireHouse Wife." Some of the scenes and conversations shown here hit a little too close to home...

Thank you, FRIEND!

2008-10-08T07:30:00.000-05:00

I have 141 contacts in my cell phone. And I have more than that many "Myspace friends." But there are those times when you really need something and you are halfway through your contacts list before you come to the name of a person you think might be willing to assist. Amazing the number of "friends" we have versus mere acquaintances.

A while back I walked out of my house with an armful of various items, unlocked my car, threw the items down in my passengers seat and proceeded to start my car. Nothing. It wouldn't turn over at all. Ugh. What are my options......?

Call the fire department guys at the station right down the street to come assist? I am a former "Desperate Firehouse Wife" after all, but "former" makes all the difference- I won't even try that one!

Call the ex that I am still trying to be cordial with because he lives only a mile away?....actually I was naive enough to try this one! That didn't go over well, I got a "Sucks for you!" ....well, so much for being cordial!

My two best girlfriends each live -give or take- 30 minutes away.... and though I do know how to do the whole jumper cable thing, I was not even sure they would have any, because I sure didn't! And the majority of my other close friends are mommies, whom I did not want to inconvenience. My best guy friend was working out of town and the other good guy friends are off at college.

My closest family lives 3 hours away...SIGH... I was pissed, frustrated, and any other similar emotion with the realization that I was kinda on my own! So, I took a chance: I called and "aquantance" that happened to be a very good friend of my best girl-friend. He actually came to my rescue (and even though he laughed at me because I had left my car half-on and that is the reason it died) I am forever grateful. After all, it is funny situations that bring people closer -from the level of aquatance- together as friends.

I am very pleased that I thought to call him that night and thankful he was willing and able to come. Since then, he has proven to be quite an asset as a friend. It is nice at this time to have a reliable male I can count on to assist me in my various times of need. So, thank you, new found friend!

I sat in the open cage provided

2008-10-03T09:44:00.000-05:00

Book Tag!

2008-10-02T10:23:00.007-05:00

Miss Mud Puddle tagged me...

Rules: Grab the nearest book.
Open the book to page 56.
Find the fifth sentence.
Post the text of the next 2 to 5 sentences in your blog.
Don’t dig for your fav book, a cool book, or intellectual one: the CLOSEST.

"EXPRESS YOUR SELF. Once you have a voice- the words you want to say- you must also give voice to those words, You must be able to express your voice so that everyone knows that you are the one who's speaking."

----The Leadership Challenge, 3rd Edition
(A book we give new faculty members @ work)

'Nuff said.....

2008-09-24T14:20:00.001-05:00

"Ooooo, my reflection!"

2008-09-23T09:17:00.001-05:00

I am an only child, a dancer, and former musical theatre actress. The combination of these leads to one thing- VANITY. I by no means claim to be the prettiest lil' thing, but do try to ensure that I am looking socially acceptable at every chance.

My vanity passes up no opportunity... any mirror is fair game, my car's rear view mirror included. Reflective glass of pictures hung in various homes and businesses. Shiny elevator doors, glass doors and any windows- I am told I never open my car door with out giving my face a once over first....

Though as a little girl I though the word "vain" was a compliment, I just deem myself now as overly resourceful and a little self conscious....

JAZZ HANDS, Urban Dictionary's definition

2008-09-22T13:17:00.003-05:00

A cabaret-style dance move, popularized by the musical "Fosse". Now used, usually ironically, to express excitement, glee, razzle dazzle, etc. The move is performed by tilting the head slightly, shimmering the hands with fingers splayed either side of the face and crying "Jazz hands!" with an enthusiastic smile. Think Jack from Will and Grace. Also *JAZZ HANDS!!!* used as an expressive punctuation on blogs and bulletin boards.

-OR-

A dance move, characterized by middle aged gay men yelling at you in sequence or accompanied by upbeat show music. To execute this move, you must extend all muscles of the hand until your hand is red, shaking and it hurts. Jazz hands are highly annoying, but effective to impress judges at dance competition.

"Holy duck! That one just bit me!"

2008-09-18T10:36:00.009-05:00

One of my nearest and dearest friends and I are making a habit of feeding the ducks our stale bread and rolls. I have always enjoyed doing this because it makes me feel a lot better about not actually eating my food, because it is going to a good cause it is not really being completely wasted!

Well, these particular dern ducks have gotten pretty bold and greedy if I do say so myself! They are neighborhood ducks and obviously doted on by numerous other residents. No matter how many crumbs get thrown their way, they want more.... Anyone familiar with the book, "If you give a mouse a cookie....?" Well, we came armed with a whole loaf of bread and a whole bag of hot dog buns (Don't judge me for not being home and eating out too much lately!!).

What happened to the days when you had to coax these fine feathered friends to you and bribe them with chunks of bread? These things crossed the street and fled to my car the moment they spotted us! So we herded them back to the grassy noll by the lake and began dishing out the goods. I was surrounded by them, as my friend was more on the outer edge of the flock. Concentrating on the cute littler ducks that kept getting shafted, I was throwing some pieces specificly towards them, not noticing the impatient geese stalking me. Maybe this geese was an only child, as am I, because it was portraying a "Pay attention to me!" attitude. This need for instant attention was communicated when the damn thing bit my thigh! "No more carbs for you, Missy!"

Now, I would like to conclude with a small tip for any other germ-a-phobes: Do not wear shorts and flip flops around out going ducks and geese! They will step on your feet with their infested little webs (especially if your bread feeding partner is amused by your mortified reaction to this, continually throwing bread at your feet) and they will rub themselves against you as if they were cats. It was disgusting and you'd better believe I did take a germ-X bath the moment I got back to my vehicle.

Pay attention to ME!

2008-09-16T01:34:00.000-05:00

God be with the population of only children. We have bad reps for not always "playing well with others...."

It is not that we are cruel or purposely selfish people, we are just used to having our way because- well, we were the only ones around! And, please bare with us as this just is not a habit or lifestyle change that happens overnight when you become a big girl and have to play in the real world....... so sometimes life's not always the bowl of cherries we had become so well accustomed to and we attempt to adjust accordingly (even though we grit our teeth and long for the glory days).

Sometimes that little 'center of attention' bug comes back to bite, creating the instant urge to scream "Pay attention to ME!" Though I may try to fight it, I still occasionally long to bask in my own personal spotlight..... (sigh)

I need more Post-its!

2008-09-12T11:54:00.003-05:00

"One Love"

2008-09-10T09:25:00.005-05:00

In the midst of my personal love lost, I am not bitter at all. I am not saying it would not be easy to become bitter, but I see true love all around me and I know it does exist.

One glowing example is my best friend from Oklahoma, Annie. We have been best friend's since the 7th grade and have shared many trials and tribulations. When she came to visit me this summer we had a lot of time to talk about life and the stuff that really matters. I was introduced to her new love through pictures and stories and I saw the light in her eyes. It was nothing less than touching.

I got a call a few weeks back. My Annie is engaged. I am inspired by their love for each other. She was a bridesmaid in my wedding years ago and she has now asked me to serve as a bridesmaid in hers. I am thrilled. I have been the cake cutter, the wedding planner, and the bride... but never a bridesmaid! I have convinced myself it is because all other chicks were self-conscious that I would over shadow them on "their day." (Just go with it, it makes me feel better!) Anywho- I get to be "Pretty in Pink" (our dress color) and I am just tickled pink about it!

Annie, in her wedding planning stage, has entered David's Bridal's "One Love" contest. In her words exactly:

"Brandt and I entered a contest called "One Love" at David's Bridal where you can win free stuff (my dress, bridesmaids dresses, jewelry, etc.) In order to enter I had to make a collage of certain wedding items and write a short paragraph about how I knew he was "the one." It's all very cute and corny, but PLEASE vote for us so that we can possibly win some free wedding stuff. And if not for that reason, simply because most of the other collages are uglier than mine!"

Take 3 seconds to vote people!.... then again tomorrow and so on! True love exists and everyone knows free stuff is super fun!

Sound Advice from Ann Landers

2008-09-09T12:46:00.005-05:00

Make somebody happy today. Mind your own business.

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.

Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other.

The Lord gave us two ends - one to sit on and the other to think with. Success depends on which one we use the most.

The trouble with talking too fast is you may say something you haven't thought of yet.

You need that guy like a giraffe needs strep throat.

Which comes first?

2008-09-08T08:58:00.007-05:00

Do I love you because you're beautiful,
Or are you beautiful because I love you?
~Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein II, Cinderella

These days I have really contemplated the sanctity of marriage (a whole other ranting blog topic) and everything love related. This is one of those thought provoking "Which came first, the chicken or the egg?" questions.

Are we drawn to people because of there outward appearance or are we drawn to their inner beauty and this gives us an effect of blinding love to see that they are outwardly pleasing?

From experiences thus far in life, I can tell some people (both sexes, this is not a femi-nazi rant) are not at all interested in the inner beauty at all. But for those actually interested in a relationship, where does the attraction initiate?

I can almost taste the weekend!

2008-09-04T16:26:00.001-05:00

Is that so?

2008-09-02T10:18:00.007-05:00

I am very much starting to question this slogan. I do dearly love my Explorer. I just had to have and SUV and I quite enjoy being higher than the average car because it is my one chance in life to feel tall. But, lately my baby Ford has been failing me.... much as my Chevy failed me....

I turned from Chevy to Ford, but now I am wondering what maker is actually the best and if all of those Ford haters out there have it right:

I have a dream.....

2008-08-28T08:12:00.005-05:00

I dream of a

better world

where chickens

can cross the roads

without having

their motives

questioned!!

The whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me God.

2008-08-26T14:25:00.005-05:00

I took a brief brake from blogging to be absolutely baffled by the world and those useless souls that take up precious oxygen within. My fascination of this group will give me feel for blogging in the years to come!

My Blogger page once introduced me as “The Original Desperate [Fire]house Wife.” And that is precisely what I was for three years…now I am the Ex-Desperate [Fire]house Wife out there, independently finding her way.

I am not one to air my dirty laundry. I want no sympathy, and I want no opinions. But when your privacy is breached and you have not personally made the situation well known, the gossip mills are free to turn. The last version I heard is that I was “whoring around which ruined my marriage and my husband left me.” I guess if people do not get their own explanation the pathetic ones need some sort of story to go on. Every marriage ending is tragic. Not every ending is twisted though. It is a shame really, taking someone else’s tragedy and making it seem tragically twisted…..

Rorie’s Story: I met the future firefighter @ church when my family moved to Mississippi. We started dating almost a year after we moved here. I was 14, he was 17. We lived maybe 12 houses away from each other throughout high school. Our parents were youth group leaders together and great friends. We had almost every Thanksgiving, both families all together, for 8 years. The firefighter actually proposed to me on one of those joint Thanksgivings and we were immediately able to share the news with our closets relatives. The famed “high school sweethearts” story. We had a dream wedding that my parents funded without batting an eye and a quaint honeymoon. We returned to a greater lifestyle than a 19 and 21 year old should expect: a house, an SUV, a sports car and a Chihuahua--seemingly perfect.

Everything takes work. We did not have to work terribly hard for the lifestyle we had obtained and that aided in both of us being selfish. We were selfish on so many accounts and didn’t put forth much “work” in building our life together or relationship. We just went with what we had already. Anything that proved to be effort was set aside. The mindset: we will have time to work on it later…

Later. It’s almost funny. I thought it, he thought it. We had all the time in the world to fix it. We would be the perfect married couple sometime in our 30’s maybe. We could be who we were or wanted to be for now.

It was drilled in our head’s that marriage was forever. It is drilled in most Christian’s heads. And I do not argue that. At the same time, I think that is why a lot of Christians get married so young. That is what you are supposed to do to live together and :gasp: have an intimate relationship. And that was what we wanted, so marriage is what we did.

From 14 to 22 and 17 to 24, there is obviously a lot of maturing. And if you do not make sure that you are both maturing towards the same ideals and dreams and growing together then thorns begin to grow in each person’s own garden. We grew to far apart to reach each other once we recognized and acknowledged the problems.

“State the obvious; I didn’t get my perfect fantasy. I realized you loved yourself more than you could ever love me” –Taylor Swift

I do not have to go any further into this because I know and he knows where we are at. And at this time we are both at peace with it.

We will not be bound together by children, or anything really but 8 years of memories. We have both expressed that we want the best for the other and have sucked up the cold hard truth that we are just not that. It is our reality and it is a blessing to get through this process cordially. My naive wish is that in the future we will be able to talk as friends, have better communication then than we did as husband and wife.

I am still not quite sure what part of my husband and I growing apart translated into me “whoring around.” But, in the end at least I am important enough to be the highlight of their conversations! To all of the pathetic people of the world, in dire need of entertainment: Whisper on!

2008-08-11T13:46:00.000-05:00

That friendship right there!

2008-08-07T08:27:00.004-05:00

Smirnoff + Hornsbys + lil' tank tops + 'I sacked the quatrerback' Victoria's Secret boy shorts + sparatic furniture rearrangement = my evening last night.

I just needed a change. Honestly I should have been cleaning, but wanted to rearrange my home decor instead.

"I want to move that picture from the wall to the mantle."

"You have got to be kidding me, do you honestly think we can move that."

"I dunno, but I WANT TOO!"

"Ugh, you may want to but we can not move that just the two of us. Go dust or something else productive."

"I want to move it!" (I turn around to examine any other moves to make in the room)

"Ummmm. HELLO! Are you gonna help me, I just took this side off the wall!"

"Oooooo. Oh, ummm. Owwww. Holy hell that is heavy!"

"Uh, yeah!"

What a friend to move it despite her better judgement. And her friendship shined through even more so later as she was sweeping my floor while wearing a vale from an old dance costume of mine.... twas quite a sight and quite a night!

Thought I was a good actress

2008-08-04T15:30:00.004-05:00

Even though the weekend was better....

Disappointment, and learning to dance in the rain

2008-08-01T10:21:00.004-05:00

How deep did it cut when your parents would say, "We are not angry, we are just disappointed"....? Ouch. I would have rather them be pissed, because anger passes but disappointment lingers a little longer.

I have a few times in my adulthood understood the difference between anger and disappointment in someone and exactly where our parents were coming from with that statement.

But I always ponder, is it our faults that we disappoint, or our faults that we get disappointment? I mean I try my hardest not to disappoint anyone, to me that is a personal failure. But, do we personally set ourselves up to be vulnerable to disappointment?....by putting to much faith in someone or something?

I took the time yesterday to have the nervous breakdown I deserved. I only let those who are the closest to me in during this breakdown. And -I have to interject some cheesiness- I have the best support system one could hope for. They catered to "my day" as I had previously catered to theirs. But, there was one person that honestly disappointed me, or I let disappoint me. One person I was really counting on, not even for advice, but just to be a statue of solid strength. I only came to expect this because this is what they have always been to me. And, just one day, more than ever I needed this unwavering strength. For one day I needed to be allowed to be completely raw with my emotions and have them remove any "self" from the situation. To "just be" and be there for me. But, I felt like either myself or my situation was not being taken seriously, taken to heart, and "my pillar" let me down .... In the end, the reality of my disappointment in them hurt more than the numerous causes for my initial breakdown.

Last night I cried. Today the sky is crying, and hard. But I must learn: "It is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but more so about learning to dance in the rain." If the weekend continues to be dark and dreary, "I hope you dance."

Sounds and Suds

2008-07-30T07:11:00.003-05:00

I, Rorie, am a phone-aholic. I am attached to my cell phone. It is my chosen form of communication with the outside world and I honestly feel naked without it......

..... even when I am naked. Which brings me to my latest graceful act: dropping my phone in the bathtub.

I was mortified. And felt instantly disconnected. A shrill sound came from my little mouth as I dove in the water after it..... it was almost like a scene from Baywatch. I rescued it and tried my best at resuscitation. Was it going to make it? Did I get there soon enough? It showed signs of hope, but eventually flat lined.

Phone Insurance, AKA: (Social)Life Insurance, my refuge.

DIRTY LITTLE SECRET

2008-07-29T13:22:00.002-05:00

Do not COUGH and DRIVE

2008-07-28T09:14:00.006-05:00

I would like to know why every time I get stopped at a road block on my exit (simply trying to get home to put my pretty little head on my own personal pillows), one of the ignorant BPD officers always says, "Ms. Rorie, HOW much have you had to drink tonight?"

Not simply, "Ms. Rorie, have you had anything to drink tonight?" But, "HOW much?"

WTF!?!!? Is this protocol? Or do I just look like that much of an alcoholic? I mean really......

So last night, 12:30ish, I am merely going home, and this tub of lard with a badge and an attitude wants to be all cocky with his questions: "Where you coming from tonight Ms. Rorie"

"A friend's house, Mr. Officer..." At this point of close contact, I regretted moments earlier removing the strapless bra cutting off my circulation..... then he waddles away with my ID... what are you really studying on that thing for so long? Counting the number of freckles I have in the picture?

Then came the infamous question I wait for....."HOW much have you had to drink tonight?"

Being ill, tired, naturally sarcastic, and particularly fond of this group of intellects, I stated: "I had a shot of cold medicine around 8:00 pm, Officer!"

"Ma'am you know you don't need to drink that while driving right?"

Seriously, I am no investigator, but let us do some observations... the medicine bottle (though oddly shaped like a flask) was not open between my legs and the time I gave you was 4.5 hours ago......Don't you have something, anything, better to be doing than poorly instructing me when to swig my DayQuil and operate heavy machinery Dr. Officer!?!?!?

Stronger Woman (Jewel)

2008-07-24T06:58:00.000-05:00

I guess you could say
I'm one of those girls
that's always been with one of those guys
you know the type
like right now
he sleeps while I write

But it's better than crying
warn out from trying
from loving a man who always makes it clear
I am not welcome here
Just till he's horney or hungry or needs something clean
you know what I mean
But not tonight
Cause come the morning light, oh

I'm gonna love myself
More than anyone else
Believe in me
Even if someone can't see
The stronger woman in me

I'm gonna be my own best friend
Stick with me till the end
Won't lose myself again
never, no
Cause theres a stronger woman
a stronger woman in me

light bulbs buzz I get up
and head to my drawer
wish there was more
I could say
another fairy tale fades to grey

I've lived on hope
Just like a child
walking that mile
faking that smile
all the while
wishing my heart had wings
well tonight I am gonna be
The kind of woman I want my daughter to be

I'm gonna love myself
More than anyone else
Believe in me
Even if someone can't see
There's a stronger woman in me
Won't lose myself again
no, no
Cause there's a stronger woman, a stronger woman

this is me packing up my bags
this is me headed for the door
this is me the best you ever had

I'm gonna love myself
More than anyone else
Believe in me, even if someone can't see
There's a stonger woman in me

I'm gonna be my own best friend
stick with me till the end
Won't lose myself again
never, no
Cause there's a stronger woman, stronger woman
Theres a stronger woman in me

COUGH, COUGH

2008-07-21T08:42:00.004-05:00

My raspy ill voice is by no means sexy....... I am tired of sounding like a seventy-year old male smoker every time I answer the phone. I am tired of having to repeat myself because nobody can understand me. I am tired (as sweet as it is) of my co-workers asking me if I need to go home every time I hack. Basically, I am sick and tired of being sick and tired! And that is my rant for the day.......!

WHAT DID THE SICK BABY BANANA SAY TO THE MOMMA BANANA?

I DON'T 'PEEL' GOOD.

Friends vs. Southern Friends

2008-07-18T10:44:00.003-05:00

FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Always bring the food. And lots of it.

FRIENDS: Will say 'hello'.
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Will give you a big hug and a kiss.

FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs.
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Call your parents Mom and Dad.

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Cry with you. And for you.

FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Could write a book with direct quotes from you. And most of the time know you better than you do yourself.

FRIENDS: Would knock on your door.
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, 'Are you home?' If you are not home they will wait.

(Got this in an e-mail this morning, the "call your parents mom and dad" is so very true and "could write a book of direct quotes," pretty much sums up me and my girls!)

Love having my mom in town!

2008-07-17T10:40:00.000-05:00

Please define "talking"

2008-07-16T10:03:00.006-05:00

I have two semi-neurotic, but firm beliefs:

1. Neosporin heals everything
2. Google solves everything

My latest conundrum involves the levels or categories of dating… I have apparently been in a black box and do not understand what lingo you people are using nowadays.

What is “dating?” The San Francisco court actually defined a dating relationship as "a social relationship between two individuals who have a reciprocally amorous and increasingly exclusive interest in one another, and shared expectation of the growth of that mutual interest, that has endured for such a length of time and stimulated such frequent interactions that the relationship cannot be deemed to have been casual." Ok, that definition helps greatly. Now, what the hell is “talking?” I previously thought this is what teenagers do when they are kind of feeling (not physically) each other out, but I have heard the term used a lot lately. Well, to enlighten myself, I did a little Googling…

I found a competent male’s blog that gave some very explicit definitions:

These Eight Levels of Dating are below, with abridged examples for those of you who are slow.

Level 1: Pre-Dating
This isn’t really dating per se, but rather the initiation of contact. For example: you’re at a friend’s party and see an attractive girl across the room. You ask the host, a mutual friend, who the girl is and once you get the word that she isn’t crazy and hasn’t had sex with any former or current NBA players, you approach.

Level 2: The Explicit Invite Period
Level 2 is merely an extension of Level 1. But in Level 2, everything is more explicit, deliberate, and intentional. You call the girl after a few days to invite her (and her friends) to a bar where you (and your friends) will be hanging out. She agrees to come (and to bring friends).

Level 3: The Weekday Date Period
Dinner or some other date variation on a non-prime night (Sunday through Wednesday; if you can get a Thursday, it’s a good sign). Also, in Level 3, what may have been obvious before is now official: you are courting this girl.

Level 3 is the make or break period. Studies have shown that around 70% of dates do not get past Level 3.

Level 4: The Weekend Date Period
If you’ve made it to Level 4, you’re doing something right. Level 4 means that you are hanging out on a prime night: Friday or Saturday (and possibly Thursday).

Level 5a: The "Yeah, She’s Kinda My Girlfriend" Period
Level 5b: The Weekday Evening Sex Period
Once you successfully get past Level 4, you’re onto Level 5, which is divided into two parts.

This is arguably the best Level, because, well, you pretty much have a girlfriend. It’s still not official yet, but you both know it’s true.

Level 6: The Love Period
Love. Sex. Girlfriend. And at this Level, the notion of having a girlfriend is a great and wonderful thing. You will tell your mom about her, who will sigh in relief. You will take weekend trips where you will lay in bed naked, watching pay-per-view movies, eating pizza, and drinking wine. You will laugh and wonder how this feeling could ever end, because you are stupid with love.

Level 7: The Cracks in the Facade Period
You’re still in love, of course. You worked hard for this relationship and things are still very good between you and the girl.
Level 7: the beginning of the end. Also, the beginning of the rest of your life.

Level 8: Malaise
Routine has taken over. Sex in the kitchen on a Wednesday evening has been replaced by ok take-out food and "The Notebook."

Men and Ovaries, EVIL

2008-07-15T10:00:00.005-05:00

"If men could menstruate...clearly, mensturation would become an enviable, boast-worthy, masculine event: Men would brag about how long and how much....Sanitary supplies would be federally funded and free. Of course, some men would still pay for the prestige of such commercial brands as Paul Newman Tampons, Muhammed Ali's Rope-a-Dope Pads, John Wayne Maxi Pads, and Joe Namath Jock Shields - 'For Those Light Bachelor Days.'"
~ Gloria Steinem, U.S. feminist writer, editor.

2008-07-14T06:58:00.000-05:00

Shake Your Groove Thang!

2008-07-11T09:36:00.008-05:00

By the many songs of our popular culture, we are instructed on many different ways available to "shake it:"

"Shake it like a Polaroid picture"

"Shake it like a salt shaker"

"Shake a tail-feather"

"Shake it fast, watch yourself"

"Shake what your mama gave you"

Just wondering your particular preference..... how do you "shake it?"

I think I may begin to "shake my moneymaker." I mean, do a little dance and make a little profit...I'm just sayin' is all!

Won't try that one again.....

2008-07-10T14:41:00.002-05:00

I am shameless, I know....

A previous rant of mine about I-55 revealed that I take on several tasks while driving, but I encountered one task I will not attempt again.....taking off some work out shorts and putting on a pair of jeans. Very complicated! Shirts now, changing those while driving is a piece of cake: rip off, put on! If you time that one right, nobody else will even see your bra. Even if they do, some bras can be passed of as bikini tops so you're all good. But pants, those are harder because they involve positioning one foot on the gas or break and sliding down and bending semi sideways... it just shouldn't be attempted......trust me.

Though, I have admitted my irresponsible driving to an officer of the law. I was instructed if I kept my car in my lane, we were all good. So, to all of your other stripping commuters, NO SWERVING!

Do you have it?

2008-07-07T15:28:00.001-05:00

FIRECRACKER (Josh Turner)

2008-07-03T09:35:00.000-05:00

When I look in her eyes
It aint no surprise
Sparks start a flyin like the 4th of July

She gets me so hot, my heart starts a pumpin
When we get to kissin, there aint no stoppin'

When it comes to love
She aint no slacker
My little darlin is a firecracker

When I light the fuse
I gotta get back quick
You gotta be careful with a dynamite stick

Son of a gun she fun to handle
And she packs a punch like a roman candle
She a pack of black cats in a red paper wrapper
My little darlin is a firecracker

We might not ought to take a roll in the hay
Cause we'd burn the barn down one of these days
Were a match made in heaven
And it aint no joke.
But Id sure I hate to see it go up in smoke

We got a good thing going
And it feels so right
Shes a firecracker
Shes the light of my life.

She goes off with a great big BANG
Boys I tell ya its a beautiful thing
She takes off you better hang on tight

Shes a blonde bottle rocket
In the middle of the night

When she makes love shes a Heart attacker
My little darlin is a Firecracker

We got a good thing going
And it feels so right
Shes a firecracker
Shes the light of my life.

Come Visit Anytime....

2008-07-02T07:22:00.000-05:00

"I just wanna be mad for a while....."

2008-07-01T08:39:00.006-05:00

I am not even going to try to fight it today, I am just going to give in, let it be, and let is pass.....

A dear friend sent a group of us a "Have a Great day!" text message at 7:00 this morning. Most days I would have thought "Awww. What a sweet way to kick of the morning." Today, I replied with, "Thanks for the inspirational message, but more appropriately for my morning would have been: Try not to commit vehicular manslaughter on I-20 on your way to work...."

Desperate times, Desperate measures

2008-06-30T11:24:00.004-05:00

The Bangles said it, "It's just another manic Monday....!"

I actually made it to work on time this morning, quite proud of myself to get a fresh start. Started out fairly efficiently but about 30 minutes in, I was discussing upcoming meetings and receptions with my boss and decided I wasn't completely "there."

Caffeine deprivation, oncoming headache.

My instant solution: chugging a 20 oz. Dr. Pepper. I do not often resort to this method, but I have a lot going on and wasn't really feeling the coffee this a.m.

I WILL NEVER RESORT TO THIS METHOD AT WORK AGAIN!!!!! EVER!

Belch, excuse myself. Belch, apologize.

Belch, explain myself. Belch, Ugh.

7 Deadly Sins

2008-06-27T11:58:00.001-05:00

Wrath
Who did you last get angry with? the person i married
What is your weapon of choice? taser
Would you hit a member of the opposite sex? quite often
How about the same sex? not the pretty ones
Who was the last person who got really angry at you? the person i married
What is your pet peeve? Hypocracy
Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily? I keep score, we will leave it at that...

Sloth
What is one thing you're suppose to do daily that you haven't? laundry...
What is the latest you've ever woken up? 4:00 pm
Name a person you've been meaning to contact, but haven't? Good friend Annie
What is the last lame excuse that you made? I have a headache
Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through? Yes! I love the Proactive commercials!
How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock this
morning? Twice

Gluttony
What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice? Appletini
Are you a meat eater? Yes, a selective on though.
What is the greatest amount of alcohol you've had in one
sitting/outing/event? 1 appletini, 1 bloody marry, 2 sex on the beach's, 2 shots of irish whisky
Are you comfortable with your drinking and eating habits? I will die of a salt overdose....
Do you enjoy candy and sweets? Depends....
Which do you prefer: sweets, salty foods or spicy foods? SALT!
Have you ever looked at a small house pet or child and thought, "lunch"?
Honestly, yes. But hear me out..... I wasnt allowed to eat for a day before a medical procedure... and my cats were just hanging around.... I thought "Just add soy sauce!?!?!"

Greed
How many credit cards do you own? Various store specific cards....
If you had a million dollars, what would you do with it? Charity, bless friends and family, keep enough to live comfortably...
Would you rather be rich or famous? Rich, wouldn't mind. Famous if only for a positive reason.
Would you accept a boring job if it meant that you would make megabucks? Ummmmm depends on the boss.

Pride
What's one thing that you have done that you're most proud of? Graduated highschool a year early w/ honors
What's one thing you have done that your parents are most proud of? Moved up the ladder at work
What thing would you like to accomplish late in your life? Obvious wisdom
Do you get annoyed by coming in second place? Only if I truly deserved First.
Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill than all the other competitors? Probably....
Have you ever cheated to get a better score? Hmmmmmm. I was resourceful.
What did you do today that you're proud of? Helped some students....

Lust
How many people have you seen naked (excluding film, family, strippers,
locker rooms)? I was a ballerina, I have seen far more back-stage nudity thatn I know what to do with....
How many people have seen you naked (excluding physicians, doctors,
family, locker rooms, or when you were a young child)? I didn't have time for modesty backstage....
Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a person of
your chosen sex during a normal conversation? Bwahahaha. Ummm, I'm sure.
What is your favorite body part of a person of your gender choice? Have no idea why, I like strong hands
Have you ever had sexual encounters (including kissing/making out) with multiple persons? I have a halo!
Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute? No, but by the manager of Hooters!?!? Oddly enough.

Envy
What item of your friends would you most want to have for your own? Any of them w/ a new car!
Who would you want to go on "Trading Spaces" with? Miss Mud Puddle, trust her taste
If you could be anyone who existed in the world, who would you be? Dr. Whitney!!
Have you ever been cheated on?
Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own? BOOBS!
What inborn trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself? Patience
What deadly sin...
Do you do the most often? Gluttony
Do you do the least often? Envy
Is your favorite to act on? Sloth, very easy to "act" on

Shameful!

2008-06-27T11:21:00.001-05:00

-41

As a 1930s wife, I am
Very Poor (Failure)

Take the test!

Mop Head

2008-06-27T09:15:00.009-05:00

Walking in a little frizzy and a little frazzled this morning, I contemplated that coming to work with soaking wet hair could say a variety of things about me:

(1) I woke up a little late

(2) My hair dryer needs to be located

(3) "Ain't nobody dope as me I'm dressed so fresh so clean --So fresh and so clean clean"

(4) I was too drunk or lazy to take a shower last night

(5) I got caught in my own personal rain storm (it could have only rained on ME!)

Now I have plugged my hair straightener in under my desk and am waiting for it to heat to the proper temperature it needs to be to fix this rats nest and save the day!

2008-06-26T08:53:00.002-05:00

Oh, Just Go Poke Your Eyes Out!!

2008-06-25T09:35:00.011-05:00

My fabulous friend and I were winding down from work one afternoon, partaking in a glass of wine and watching a popular talk show.... the topic revolved around what men really think.

Some of the subjects were rather humorous (especially after wine), some were a little insightful/eye opening, some just plain truth, and some made me despise the gender as a whole.

There was one conversation on the show that I have not been able to stop thinking about since though. An expert stated that: "Men see women walking down the street and immediately categorize them in only two categories really- would sleep with or wouldn't sleep with."

(Rorie steps on her super tall soap box)

Ughh. Really? This is one of those things that makes me lump all men into one category: DOG! I do not personally enjoy being eye raped, and do not appreciate the thought of my boy toy eye raping another! I have been told, "Guys are just guys, they do that." Well, out of respect for any women you may or may not be actually sleeping with, how's about you lay off the categorizing or forfeit getting laid at all!

(Rorie hops off of her soapbox)

Just my thoughts.... feeling like a little femi-nazi today. But, seriously guys..... really?

I would win this bi-otch! ...and feel great about it!

2008-06-25T09:06:00.006-05:00

Regis & Kelly’s High Heel-A-Thon On July 9 To Benefit March of Dimes

WHITE PLAINS, N.Y. –
"Live with Regis and Kelly" will make its contribution to the pantheon of world athletic events by presenting the first-ever REGIS AND KELLY'S HIGH HEEL-A-THON, a 150-yard dash in New York City. And it's for a wonderful cause: proceeds will benefit the March of Dimes and its programs to give every baby a healthy start. "Live" also has arranged for a special $50,000 donation in commemoration of the High Heel-a-Thon.

Unlike more run-of the-mill sprints, there's a shocking twist to this event: all participants in the High Heel-A-Thon must wear high-heeled shoes during the competition, with a minimum of a 3-inch heel.

"Live" is partnering with Dr. Scholl’s For Her® to present the event, which will take place in Central Park. The official competition, for which participants will be sprinting for more than $30,000 in prize money and a variety of fun prizes, is open to women only, though men can enter a special honorary race category.

Entrants will not only compete against hundreds of other participants, but also they'll go up against shoe-loving co-host Kelly Ripa herself, who provided inspiration for the event. "Marathon, schmarathon! Completing 26.2 miles in running shoes is nothing -- try spending a full day running errands, taking the kids to school and shopping, all in 4-inch heels," Ripa declared. "THAT'S what I call a real marathon! So our High Heel-A-Thon is a way of showcasing a unique unsung talent for which most women are never recognized."

The March of Dimes extends a warm thank-you to our celebrity volunteers Michael Gelman, executive producer of the program, and wife Laurie Hibberd, whose daughter was born prematurely. Interested participants can register for Regis and Kelly's High Heel-A-Thon by logging on to liveregisandkelly.com or highheelathon.com. The winning competitor will walk away with $25,000, with additional prize money offered to the second- and third-place finishers.
"Live with Regis and Kelly" is executive produced by Michael Gelman, and is distributed by Disney-ABC Domestic Television. Produced by WABC-TV in New York, "Live with Regis and Kelly" airs every weekday morning in more than 200 markets across the country.
The March of Dimes is the leading nonprofit organization for pregnancy and baby health. With chapters nationwide and its premier event, March for Babiessm, the March of Dimes works to improve the health of babies by preventing birth defects, premature birth and infant mortality. For the latest resources and information, visit marchofdimes.com or nacersano.org.

The parking lot you may refer to as I-55, I call home

2008-06-24T10:30:00.013-05:00

Yes, I was once again parked on I-55 for almost a half hour this morning.... a routine I have become well accustomed to. Since I sit there so much, I feel like the interstate is like a second home, and I use it as such..... I bring my breakfast, have a little snack at my make-shift dinning room table/middle console while I am waiting. I bring my make-up and deodorant: the combination of my review mirror and dashboard become like a little bathroom counter, it's great!

Do not judge, I am making good use of this endless downtime...
But, being so comfortable with myself, I often forget I am not in the privacy of my own home. So, today I was adjusting all the goods, finishing my eyeliner, and making my pouty face in the mirror during a final look over. Then, I realized I have been sitting next to a huge truck full of construction workers quite entertained by my show and seeming lack of awareness. At that point I half smiled, shrugged my shoulders, waved my mascara wand at them and moved up the foot and a half I could so we were not directly parallel anymore.... oh well, at least by 8:30 when I finally got to work I was all put together!

Organizing my life!

2008-06-23T19:38:00.001-05:00

I need to completely reorganize my whole life, but started fun and small......

I have begun to classify my unmentionables into “day” and “night” categories.

Why, you ask?

Because there is nothing like sitting at your desk, trying to be professional and those little pink bows are digging into places that little pink bows do not belong….. (sigh) OR, when you are sitting in a meeting and that little metal heart hanging from each string has been creating an indention in your hip for the past twenty minutes and the meeting is not going to end for at least a half hour….. Ouch! It's tough being a stylish chick!

One time I wore a Christmasy thong to work under a skirt (to be completely in the holiday spirit). I honestly could not figure out why I was hearing bells ring all day..... turns out they were coming from my bum! Hmmmmm. So, I "jingled all the way!"

Further organization to come, when I feel like putting forth effort.

2008-06-20T06:00:00.000-05:00

Faries are Female....

2008-06-19T08:51:00.003-05:00

A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.

Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.'

The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.' The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.

The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.'

The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.

So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...the husband became 92 years old.

The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember fairies are female.....

ROAD TRIP!!!!

2008-06-18T09:43:00.010-05:00

You may or may not be surprised (depending on how well you know me) to hear that I can often be anal about some things.... well, I honestly used to be worse. I am a planner, schedule things, map them out, make endless lists. I even presented my wedding party with a detailed itinerary for the whole weekend of the wedding, mapping everything out to the minute. My dear friend Annie, is the same way. And we had been that way since we met, which is one of the things that kept us so close. We understood! In fact, now that I think about it, she may have been the only bridesmaid to really appreciate the wedding schedule. Anyhow, this past week was our vacation, our girls only beach trip, and we had no plans in place, did not check the weather forecast, no particular place in mind to stay, and we glanced at the directions but did not even print them out...... This took some real letting go on our part, we forced our spontaneity! But, it was for our own good!

Yes, we got lost- went about an hour out of the way, laughed about it, turned around, and kept car dancing........!

Yes, it rained on us......

But, we eventually got there...

We found somewhere to stay, and what a great view....!

And put our feet in the white soft sand.......

You might be from Oklahoma if:

2008-06-17T10:16:00.010-05:00

Little Miss Rorie has been MIA, but with good reason. My best friend from middle school took her vacation to fly down to see me. We were both Oklahoma girls once, mid-western and simply fabulous! But I have now fallen back into the role of a southern belle, pure Mississippi girl and I was very delighted to give her a taste of the "dirty south."

Culture Shock is an appropriate phrase. Poor Annie, I made her try all of the things that were oh so new to me when I first arrived here......

You might be from Oklahoma if: you have never had catfish, turnip greens, craw fish or sweet tea. This may surprise some, but these delicacies are not readily available or a regular part of an Oklahoman's diet. One meal we shared, I realized EVERYTHING was fried. I was used to this, but remembered not everywhere is so "fry" happy! She was a great sport though and very open minded about putting all of these things in her mouth. Even eating part of "the little red thing with eyes!"

During her stay, she only mentioned a couple of times that some people "talked funny." Even I, myself had gained quite an accent. But, I will give it to her, we as a community have a distinct drawl. And Oklahoman's have absolutely no accent at all.

Then, we drove to the beach.... there is a huge lake in Oklahoma with some sand around the edge and I have witnessed people refer to this as the beach. NO! We went to the real beach, Gulf Shores bound!!! ROADTRIP!!!! But that adventure is a whole other story for another day.....

2008-06-10T09:11:00.003-05:00

3:20 am

2008-06-08T11:58:00.003-05:00

My ring tone for the majority of my friends is "I wear my sunglasses at night." Well at 3:20 am this morning Corey Hart started singing this to me and I was actually aware enough to answer the phone.

"Hello."

"Oh wow, you answered the phone. I'm sorry Jess I was just going to talk to your voicemail. Are you asleep?"

"Well yeah babe, its like 4:00 in the morning. But if you would honestly prefer my voicemail, we can hang up and you talk to it?!"

"No, I am just surprised you answered. Don't be mad I called. I have just had a really bad day and I wanted to see if we could go to lunch tomorrow, I just really need to talk."

This was my best guy friend in the world. We have been best friends for going on seven years, he introduces me to everyone as his sister, and there he was scared I was going to be pissed that he called me just to ask if we could talk soon. But knowing that I can be a bit cold when I first wake up didn't stop him from calling and I am glad. I want to be the friend/big sister that you can call at 3:20 in the morning. I want my friends to know I can be available. I had told him this plenty of times before, and he knew I would always be his DD if he EVER needed me. But I am glad he knew I was there for more than a late night ride, that I am up for being a late night shoulder too.....

Pop-Six-Squish-Uh uh-Cicero-Lipschitz!

2008-06-06T07:13:00.001-05:00

Everybody has particular music that they listen to in their times of pure angry rage.... be it heavy metal, hard core rap, whatever aides in the blood boiling moments of furry.

The music that usually accompanies my moods may seem unusual to some, but works quite well for me and my Broadway loving gal pal. There are some musicals out there (our pick: Chicago)just dark and powerful enough to give you the momentary edge you need. You put yourself as the twisted characters and belt out disturbing lyrics such as:

He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd have heard it
I betcha you would
Have done the same!

Hah! He had it coming
He had it coming
He took a flower
In its prime
And then he used it
And he abused it
It was a murder
But not a crime!

......but in the end you were just "in character," and all is well. Moods adjust and then you can be closer to that happy place where you're back listening to the softer side, like Michael Buble.

We can't both look good, it's me or the house!

2008-06-04T14:15:00.001-05:00

Behind the Hazel Eyes......

2008-05-29T09:56:00.002-05:00

An eye can threaten like a loaded and levelled gun, or it can insult like hissing or kicking; or, in its altered mood, by beams of kindness, it can make the heart dance for joy.... One of the most wonderful things in nature is a glance of the eye; it transcends speech; it is the bodily symbol of identity.

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Observations of a Peppy Little Camper:

2008-05-27T10:32:00.008-05:00

It doesn't matter where you set up camp, the bathrooms are going to be a mile away. And somehow they are 2 miles in the dark....

Being short does have its advantages when getting dressed in a tent. I feel sad for everyone over 5 feet tall, that must be an uncomfortable little task!

No worries: nobody can smell how badly you stink over their own brewing stench. Just apply your deodorant in front of your camping mates to prove your hygienic effort!

Also, the must will remain no matter how much Febreeze you spray on your sleeping bag.

Paddle boats will make you feel like a failure-- all that leg action and getting hardly nowhere! That is just too much effort to be considered recreational. My suggestion: stop trying and layout on the boat; that's the best sun you will get all trip!

Holding the Sun

2008-05-23T07:41:00.000-05:00

These are really awesome pictures, my chicas and I are going to attempt some of these ourselves, and I will be sure to let you know how they go. I encourage you to do the same! I want to see more................Be creative people!!!!

Funny Face

2008-05-22T07:58:00.001-05:00

I read somewhere that a girl without freckles is like a night without stars.

When I was younger, I was constantly reminded that freckles are "angel kisses." Even then I knew that is just what adults told you to make you feel better about being different, with all those dern spots all over your face. But, you'd better believe I made all of my friends that were without freckles that the angels visited me more!

Between soaking up the actual sun and obtaining the artificial rays of the tanning bed my spots multiply daily. This is not something I am going to out grow any time soon, so I am going with it......

You know back in the day when Cindy Crawford made the mole a must have? And women used to actually create a sassy little mole above their lip. That is my goal: Freckles are the new mole! So grab your brown eyeliner and go to town Pippi Longstocking style to match me!

2008-05-21T07:00:00.000-05:00

“No man has the right to dictate what other men should perceive, create or produce, but all should be encouraged to reveal themselves, their perceptions and emotions, and to build confidence in the creative spirit."

~Ansel Adams

"Flick my Bic"

2008-05-20T07:30:00.001-05:00

What are friends good for in times of need?

Making your life a little easier.....!

When my dearest darling daily lunch date is in need of nicotine and can not find a lighter, I feel distress from her distress....with the goal of making life a little easier, I bought ten Bic lighters and have them placed in random compartments throughout my vehicle. One is always within reach and all is well in the world.

My co-workers are always looking out for me as the baby of the group and I am truly blessed to have such great people around me daily. They laugh at me as I sashay in every morning with my twelve gallon bag, fumbling around, digging for my keys and pulling out the outlandish objects I carry with me. So one caring co-worker took it upon herself to make my mornings much smoother. An extra key was ordered and placed in a secret location that I pass on the way to my door. I simply grab the key and unlock. The easiest part of my day! The kicker is putting the key back in the same secret place for the next morning!

My dear friend has an early meeting and is dragging in to work, I have a cup of coffee waiting on her desk. I have a late meeting and a looooooong day, she has my glass of wine on the counter when I get to her house. Its just all about knowing each others needs and going that little extra way to help each other out.

A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down. ~Arnold Glasow

Parking Lot Makeover!

2008-05-19T10:30:00.002-05:00

Because I got my wrist slapped by law enforcement this weekend, first thing this morning I headed to the DMV.

I had been putting this task off since my birthday/license expiration date because, well, I have not had a good hair day. Now, before you chalk me up as nothing but vain and superficial, hear me out. First off, you have this thing for FOUR YEARS! That is a long term commitment! Secondly, I will NEVER look my age. I will get carded until the day I die! Everyone sees this picture, therefore making it ultra important that I do not look like a total spaz! So, sue me. I was waiting for this good hair day to appear. The police officer did not find this a valid excuse however.

Today? Nope, still not a good hair day. But ya gotta do whatcha gotta do. So I sucked it up and did a little parking lot makeover just prior to walking inside.

REJOICE!!!!! Not perfection, but I am actually pleased with the picture! I will happily show it to every bartender that questions my age and if I get pulled over again (knock on wood ::knock, knock::) I am cute and VALID!

Knocked down a notch or two.......

2008-05-16T08:25:00.008-05:00

Sometimes you have those occasions where you stop and realize how pathetic your little problems really are in the grand scheme of things, and you get knocked down a notch or two........

I have the very distinct privilege of working with one of the most well rounded and knowledgeable people I have ever met. Not a day has gone by that she has not made me laugh with her indescribable wit. But, not a day goes by that I am not taken back by her true strength.

Her daughter was slaughtered in 2002 by Derrik Todd Lee, the infamous "Baton Rouge Serial Killer." Per the pictures I've seen, she was absolutely beautiful and full of life. She graduated from high school early, flew through college, and was the youngest graduate from her Master's degree program at LSU, which she earned just prior to her murder.

After learning the true details of her story, I could not watch CSI, Law and Order, or any similar show for months. This was exactly the thing I had become desensitized to from TV, but this was an honest to God true life tragedy. She had been stabbed more than 80 times, beaten with a clothes iron, and had her throat cut. But, apparently she had some of the very same strength I see in her mother every day, because the scene showed that she did not go down without violently fighting back. I just stood there frozen listening to more details, speechless. I cannot comprehend knowing that all of these cruel acts had happened to your own child, your baby.

Strength. This does not mean she does not break down from time to time. I embraced her while she sobbed the Friday before Mother's Day. But her strength to me, is getting up every morning, still putting forth effort and living each day, and managing to work in a few laughs and make others laugh.

She has been asked to do several media events lately, one this morning as a matter of fact. I know she fights to keep her daughter's memory alive, fights for justice, and genuinely wants to help anyone else that could benefit from the story. But can you image telling, reliving it all so publicly and repeatedly? Really brings you down a notch or two when your biggest concerns were wondering what grade you are going to get in Anatomy, why you haven't gotten an instant reply to your last text message, or you wishing you had worn different shoes.

She humbles me.

After her daughter died, she said she used to have a recurrent dream about a deer being hunted. She thought a lot about the fear and randomness in life and wrote the following:
"This dark dream chases my heart until it pounds and races like the hearts of deer running from the death the hunters bring. The woods conceal the deer - but also conceal the hunter. God and fortune dance in the dry leaves and glance over their shoulders to see whom the trees will save."

I want to know.......

2008-05-15T08:21:00.001-05:00

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN THE RAIN?

Someone told me long ago, there's a calm before the storm.
I know, and it's been comin' for some time.
When it's over, so they say, it'll rain a sunny day.
I know, shinin' down like water.

I want to know, have you ever seen the rain?
I want to know, have you ever seen the rain
comin' down on a sunny day?

Yesterday, and days before, sun is cold and rain is hard.
I know, been that way for all my time.
'Til forever on it goes through the circle fast and slow,
I know, and it can't stop, I wonder.

I want to know, have you ever seen the rain?
I want to know, have you ever seen the rain
comin' down on a sunny day?

(CCR)

This is why I keep Victoria's Secret in business....

2008-05-14T01:20:00.006-05:00

Meet Spike. Gotta love this bad little bully. I don't know how he gets them and I will never know all of the holes where he strategically hides them....

I am no longer mortified when friends pull my intimates out of the couch cushions. Honestly, what else can you do but laugh? ....at least I caught him in the act this time. That is one less pair I will be handed the next time we are entertaining......