How deep did it cut when your parents would say, "We are not angry, we are just disappointed"....? Ouch. I would have rather them be pissed, because anger passes but disappointment lingers a little longer.
I have a few times in my adulthood understood the difference between anger and disappointment in someone and exactly where our parents were coming from with that statement.
But I always ponder, is it our faults that we disappoint, or our faults that we get disappointment? I mean I try my hardest not to disappoint anyone, to me that is a personal failure. But, do we personally set ourselves up to be vulnerable to disappointment?....by putting to much faith in someone or something?
I took the time yesterday to have the nervous breakdown I deserved. I only let those who are the closest to me in during this breakdown. And -I have to interject some cheesiness- I have the best support system one could hope for. They catered to "my day" as I had previously catered to theirs. But, there was one person that honestly disappointed me, or I let disappoint me. One person I was really counting on, not even for advice, but just to be a statue of solid strength. I only came to expect this because this is what they have always been to me. And, just one day, more than ever I needed this unwavering strength. For one day I needed to be allowed to be completely raw with my emotions and have them remove any "self" from the situation. To "just be" and be there for me. But, I felt like either myself or my situation was not being taken seriously, taken to heart, and "my pillar" let me down .... In the end, the reality of my disappointment in them hurt more than the numerous causes for my initial breakdown.
Last night I cried. Today the sky is crying, and hard. But I must learn: "It is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but more so about learning to dance in the rain." If the weekend continues to be dark and dreary, "I hope you dance."
hugs!
August 2, 2008 at 6:59 AM
Dance those feet off and feel better!
August 4, 2008 at 10:09 AM
I was there for this breakdown!!!!!
I ROCK AS A FRIEND!!!!!!!
Ok...I'm here for ya...sorry!
August 4, 2008 at 10:25 AM
Thanks for the hugs!
I did dance, almost got blisters I danced so much!
And yes, MMP, you were and YOU DO!
August 4, 2008 at 11:15 AM
i'm sorry. (((hugs))) your way.
August 4, 2008 at 4:36 PM
I hope "this too ...pass(es) (soon)"
August 4, 2008 at 9:20 PM