Showing posts with label Future MILF Thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Future MILF Thoughts. Show all posts
Mommy Dearest
I am not a mother yet.
I do not know all of the little tips and tricks in dealing with your kid. If they will not stop screaming at the top of their lungs and swatting at me, do not question me if their diaper is on backwards, at least I got the damn thing on at all!
I do not fully grasp the planning it takes just to leave the house. Bag, bottle, stroller, blanket, the mechanics of a car seat, etc….. I just leave! Do not down me for the simplicities in my life, you were there once.
I do not fully understand how hard it is to get a babysitter. I have dogs. They have a cage. For extended occasions, I call the vet to reserve a kennel to board them…. One call, that’s all! I will be glad to help you out when I can, though my seemingly flexible schedule does not make me a built in babysitter. Just know if I do keep your kid and you do not provide explicit directions I can not be held responsible for disruptions to their schedule. No payment is necessary; reinforcing my memory with the importance of taking my birth control is payment enough!
Please do not call me at 7:00 am on a Saturday morning. My non-existent child has not stuck their fingers up my nose to wake me, I am still sound asleep.
With all of this noted, I am not completely useless nor am I anti-child. I love them. I just have a lot of motherly instinct to discover and practice makes perfect so exposure to children is positive. And just because I do not have a child does not mean I am not game for outings with kids. I have observed that in a group of friends the one(s) without children often get left out of some loops. I will still come to your kid’s birthday party. I will bring a gift that will make terrible loud sounds and become their favorite causing you to resent me for a while, but I would still come and it would be wonderful to be included for once. Mommies too often gang together and then only turn to us single girls when they need to get out and get a drink. It’s a shame, it makes us feel very separated and it’s time to start calling you out on it.
I do not know all of the little tips and tricks in dealing with your kid. If they will not stop screaming at the top of their lungs and swatting at me, do not question me if their diaper is on backwards, at least I got the damn thing on at all!
I do not fully grasp the planning it takes just to leave the house. Bag, bottle, stroller, blanket, the mechanics of a car seat, etc….. I just leave! Do not down me for the simplicities in my life, you were there once.
I do not fully understand how hard it is to get a babysitter. I have dogs. They have a cage. For extended occasions, I call the vet to reserve a kennel to board them…. One call, that’s all! I will be glad to help you out when I can, though my seemingly flexible schedule does not make me a built in babysitter. Just know if I do keep your kid and you do not provide explicit directions I can not be held responsible for disruptions to their schedule. No payment is necessary; reinforcing my memory with the importance of taking my birth control is payment enough!
Please do not call me at 7:00 am on a Saturday morning. My non-existent child has not stuck their fingers up my nose to wake me, I am still sound asleep.
With all of this noted, I am not completely useless nor am I anti-child. I love them. I just have a lot of motherly instinct to discover and practice makes perfect so exposure to children is positive. And just because I do not have a child does not mean I am not game for outings with kids. I have observed that in a group of friends the one(s) without children often get left out of some loops. I will still come to your kid’s birthday party. I will bring a gift that will make terrible loud sounds and become their favorite causing you to resent me for a while, but I would still come and it would be wonderful to be included for once. Mommies too often gang together and then only turn to us single girls when they need to get out and get a drink. It’s a shame, it makes us feel very separated and it’s time to start calling you out on it.
The whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me God.
I took a brief brake from blogging to be absolutely baffled by the world and those useless souls that take up precious oxygen within. My fascination of this group will give me feel for blogging in the years to come!
My Blogger page once introduced me as “The Original Desperate [Fire]house Wife.” And that is precisely what I was for three years…now I am the Ex-Desperate [Fire]house Wife out there, independently finding her way.
I am not one to air my dirty laundry. I want no sympathy, and I want no opinions. But when your privacy is breached and you have not personally made the situation well known, the gossip mills are free to turn. The last version I heard is that I was “whoring around which ruined my marriage and my husband left me.” I guess if people do not get their own explanation the pathetic ones need some sort of story to go on. Every marriage ending is tragic. Not every ending is twisted though. It is a shame really, taking someone else’s tragedy and making it seem tragically twisted…..
Rorie’s Story: I met the future firefighter @ church when my family moved to Mississippi. We started dating almost a year after we moved here. I was 14, he was 17. We lived maybe 12 houses away from each other throughout high school. Our parents were youth group leaders together and great friends. We had almost every Thanksgiving, both families all together, for 8 years. The firefighter actually proposed to me on one of those joint Thanksgivings and we were immediately able to share the news with our closets relatives. The famed “high school sweethearts” story. We had a dream wedding that my parents funded without batting an eye and a quaint honeymoon. We returned to a greater lifestyle than a 19 and 21 year old should expect: a house, an SUV, a sports car and a Chihuahua--seemingly perfect.
Everything takes work. We did not have to work terribly hard for the lifestyle we had obtained and that aided in both of us being selfish. We were selfish on so many accounts and didn’t put forth much “work” in building our life together or relationship. We just went with what we had already. Anything that proved to be effort was set aside. The mindset: we will have time to work on it later…
Later. It’s almost funny. I thought it, he thought it. We had all the time in the world to fix it. We would be the perfect married couple sometime in our 30’s maybe. We could be who we were or wanted to be for now.
It was drilled in our head’s that marriage was forever. It is drilled in most Christian’s heads. And I do not argue that. At the same time, I think that is why a lot of Christians get married so young. That is what you are supposed to do to live together and :gasp: have an intimate relationship. And that was what we wanted, so marriage is what we did.
From 14 to 22 and 17 to 24, there is obviously a lot of maturing. And if you do not make sure that you are both maturing towards the same ideals and dreams and growing together then thorns begin to grow in each person’s own garden. We grew to far apart to reach each other once we recognized and acknowledged the problems.
“State the obvious; I didn’t get my perfect fantasy. I realized you loved yourself more than you could ever love me” –Taylor Swift
I do not have to go any further into this because I know and he knows where we are at. And at this time we are both at peace with it.
We will not be bound together by children, or anything really but 8 years of memories. We have both expressed that we want the best for the other and have sucked up the cold hard truth that we are just not that. It is our reality and it is a blessing to get through this process cordially. My naive wish is that in the future we will be able to talk as friends, have better communication then than we did as husband and wife.
I am still not quite sure what part of my husband and I growing apart translated into me “whoring around.” But, in the end at least I am important enough to be the highlight of their conversations! To all of the pathetic people of the world, in dire need of entertainment: Whisper on!
My Blogger page once introduced me as “The Original Desperate [Fire]house Wife.” And that is precisely what I was for three years…now I am the Ex-Desperate [Fire]house Wife out there, independently finding her way.
I am not one to air my dirty laundry. I want no sympathy, and I want no opinions. But when your privacy is breached and you have not personally made the situation well known, the gossip mills are free to turn. The last version I heard is that I was “whoring around which ruined my marriage and my husband left me.” I guess if people do not get their own explanation the pathetic ones need some sort of story to go on. Every marriage ending is tragic. Not every ending is twisted though. It is a shame really, taking someone else’s tragedy and making it seem tragically twisted…..
Rorie’s Story: I met the future firefighter @ church when my family moved to Mississippi. We started dating almost a year after we moved here. I was 14, he was 17. We lived maybe 12 houses away from each other throughout high school. Our parents were youth group leaders together and great friends. We had almost every Thanksgiving, both families all together, for 8 years. The firefighter actually proposed to me on one of those joint Thanksgivings and we were immediately able to share the news with our closets relatives. The famed “high school sweethearts” story. We had a dream wedding that my parents funded without batting an eye and a quaint honeymoon. We returned to a greater lifestyle than a 19 and 21 year old should expect: a house, an SUV, a sports car and a Chihuahua--seemingly perfect.
Everything takes work. We did not have to work terribly hard for the lifestyle we had obtained and that aided in both of us being selfish. We were selfish on so many accounts and didn’t put forth much “work” in building our life together or relationship. We just went with what we had already. Anything that proved to be effort was set aside. The mindset: we will have time to work on it later…
Later. It’s almost funny. I thought it, he thought it. We had all the time in the world to fix it. We would be the perfect married couple sometime in our 30’s maybe. We could be who we were or wanted to be for now.
It was drilled in our head’s that marriage was forever. It is drilled in most Christian’s heads. And I do not argue that. At the same time, I think that is why a lot of Christians get married so young. That is what you are supposed to do to live together and :gasp: have an intimate relationship. And that was what we wanted, so marriage is what we did.
From 14 to 22 and 17 to 24, there is obviously a lot of maturing. And if you do not make sure that you are both maturing towards the same ideals and dreams and growing together then thorns begin to grow in each person’s own garden. We grew to far apart to reach each other once we recognized and acknowledged the problems.
“State the obvious; I didn’t get my perfect fantasy. I realized you loved yourself more than you could ever love me” –Taylor Swift
I do not have to go any further into this because I know and he knows where we are at. And at this time we are both at peace with it.
We will not be bound together by children, or anything really but 8 years of memories. We have both expressed that we want the best for the other and have sucked up the cold hard truth that we are just not that. It is our reality and it is a blessing to get through this process cordially. My naive wish is that in the future we will be able to talk as friends, have better communication then than we did as husband and wife.
I am still not quite sure what part of my husband and I growing apart translated into me “whoring around.” But, in the end at least I am important enough to be the highlight of their conversations! To all of the pathetic people of the world, in dire need of entertainment: Whisper on!
This is why I keep Victoria's Secret in business....
Meet Spike. Gotta love this bad little bully. I don't know how he gets them and I will never know all of the holes where he strategically hides them....
I am no longer mortified when friends pull my intimates out of the couch cushions. Honestly, what else can you do but laugh? ....at least I caught him in the act this time. That is one less pair I will be handed the next time we are entertaining......
Babies vs. Dogs, Part 2
Okay, my mother laughs at me every time I am on the phone with her, mid-sentence talking, then cussing my dogs. When I am on the phone they feel the distinct need to be in my face, licking my teeth, licking the speaker, compromising my communication with the outside world because after all- I should be paying attention to them. Sigh……..my mother laughs because apparently as the bratty child that I was, I did a similar thing. Shameful, huh? No licking, but I would get the instinct that my mom was on the phone, search out her location and then want to talk her ear off with deep conversation.
Geez.
My pups are just like their mama!
Do all children (regardless of species) do this?
Geez.
My pups are just like their mama!
Do all children (regardless of species) do this?
Babies vs. Dogs, Part 1
Being the mommy of two fur babies, and a fabulously future (3-5 years in the future) MILF, I am always throwing around in the back of my head the similarities and differences between children and dogs....here are my latest on the list of differences:
Babies do not chew on your shoes! Dear heavens, I hope they do not at least.....think of the germs. My darling stilettos and strappy sandals will be much safer with a bambino than they are with my bully bulldog.
No panties in mouth.......I hope to God my darling children will not dig through the hamper and strut around the house with my bestest thongs in their joules. Nor try to digest these unmentionables and poop them out in a neighbors yard. Yep happened to me! Thong strings in the neighbors yard. Dern Bulldog! Kids do not do this right!?!?
Licking the lotion off your bod: this would be a habit of my littlest one- the chihuahua! If my future babe tries to lick the lotion of my legs, I will be mortified. But with the little rat dog, it is like "Yea! Mama just put crack on her legs! Must get crack fix!"
CRAZINESS! Please do not tell me children do these things....I may be scarred for life!
Babies do not chew on your shoes! Dear heavens, I hope they do not at least.....think of the germs. My darling stilettos and strappy sandals will be much safer with a bambino than they are with my bully bulldog.
No panties in mouth.......I hope to God my darling children will not dig through the hamper and strut around the house with my bestest thongs in their joules. Nor try to digest these unmentionables and poop them out in a neighbors yard. Yep happened to me! Thong strings in the neighbors yard. Dern Bulldog! Kids do not do this right!?!?
Licking the lotion off your bod: this would be a habit of my littlest one- the chihuahua! If my future babe tries to lick the lotion of my legs, I will be mortified. But with the little rat dog, it is like "Yea! Mama just put crack on her legs! Must get crack fix!"
CRAZINESS! Please do not tell me children do these things....I may be scarred for life!
"People who say they sleep like a baby usually don’t have one."
People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. ~Leo J. Burke
I will be the first to admit I am not ready to have a baby. I am too selfish and needy when it comes to my sleep. I slept in this morning until close to noon. Apparently this happens NEVER AGAIN when you have a little one. With kids it is usually "Sun is up- get up!"
Being the irresponsible puppy parent that I am, I just lift up the covers and say "Go night-night" if my puppies wake up and get restless. I am very aware this tactic is not acceptable with a child. You have to be immediately attentive to your baby. I salute the Energizer-bunny-moms I know! I have so far to come...Is this natural second wind something that just happens when you become a mother?
I will be the first to admit I am not ready to have a baby. I am too selfish and needy when it comes to my sleep. I slept in this morning until close to noon. Apparently this happens NEVER AGAIN when you have a little one. With kids it is usually "Sun is up- get up!"
Being the irresponsible puppy parent that I am, I just lift up the covers and say "Go night-night" if my puppies wake up and get restless. I am very aware this tactic is not acceptable with a child. You have to be immediately attentive to your baby. I salute the Energizer-bunny-moms I know! I have so far to come...Is this natural second wind something that just happens when you become a mother?
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