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I am not a mother yet.
I do not know all of the little tips and tricks in dealing with your kid. If they will not stop screaming at the top of their lungs and swatting at me, do not question me if their diaper is on backwards, at least I got the damn thing on at all!
I do not fully grasp the planning it takes just to leave the house. Bag, bottle, stroller, blanket, the mechanics of a car seat, etc….. I just leave! Do not down me for the simplicities in my life, you were there once.
I do not fully understand how hard it is to get a babysitter. I have dogs. They have a cage. For extended occasions, I call the vet to reserve a kennel to board them…. One call, that’s all! I will be glad to help you out when I can, though my seemingly flexible schedule does not make me a built in babysitter. Just know if I do keep your kid and you do not provide explicit directions I can not be held responsible for disruptions to their schedule. No payment is necessary; reinforcing my memory with the importance of taking my birth control is payment enough!
Please do not call me at 7:00 am on a Saturday morning. My non-existent child has not stuck their fingers up my nose to wake me, I am still sound asleep.
With all of this noted, I am not completely useless nor am I anti-child. I love them. I just have a lot of motherly instinct to discover and practice makes perfect so exposure to children is positive. And just because I do not have a child does not mean I am not game for outings with kids. I have observed that in a group of friends the one(s) without children often get left out of some loops. I will still come to your kid’s birthday party. I will bring a gift that will make terrible loud sounds and become their favorite causing you to resent me for a while, but I would still come and it would be wonderful to be included for once. Mommies too often gang together and then only turn to us single girls when they need to get out and get a drink. It’s a shame, it makes us feel very separated and it’s time to start calling you out on it.
Isn't is a shame when you feel the need to mask or minimize your happiness because you just don't feel like those people closest to you will react with the same enthusiasm. There are some lyrics from Chicago, The Musical that make me laugh because I honestly think this is how some people in my life portray me at times:I know a girl -A girl who lands on top You could put her face into a pail of slopAnd she'd come up smelling like a rose How she does it, heaven knows. I know a girl -A girl with so much luck She could get run over by a ten-ton truck Then brush herself off and walk away How she does it, couldn't say I, On the other hand Put my face in a pail of slop And I would smell like a pail of slop I, On the other hand Get run over by a truck And I am deader that a duck I know which friend to call when great things happen for me. She will be just as excited for me as if it were her own success. This is a great quality, because really at that level of friendship she finds happiness from my happiness. Even when she is having an "I hate everyone" or "need more wine" kind of day, I always feel uplifted after I share with her and appreciate her support.On the other hand, there are those people you can feel equally as close to on certain levels, but you know your happiness may just make them sick because they can not look past their own hurdles long enough to offer congratulations. These are the people I have learned to just casually mention positive events to in conversation..... not ever the first person I call because I am worried I will come off as bragging and my level of positivity may be squashed. After time, you feel much closer to the people who are initially happy for you because they wind up knowing so much more about you. The other people really miss out on what is going on in your life because they only get the Cliff's Notes version. Anyway, exciting things are happening for me and those supportive people already know, and those others might realize it when they read it here on their own time...
I am such a wordy, descriptive person.
This is my challenge: describing so many things with only one word!
1. Where is your cell phone? desk
2. Your pet(s)? heathens
3. Your hair? curly
4. Your mother? loving
5. Your father? funny
7. Your dream last night? forgot
8. Your favorite drink? wine
9. Your dream/goal? success
10. The room you're in? office
11. Your fear? betrayal
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? mommy
13. Where were you last night? home
14. What you're not? tall
15. beans, beans, and more beans: mexican
16. One of your wish list items? diamond
17.Where you grew up? everywhere
18. The last thing you did? text
19. What are you wearing? boots
20. Your TV? flat
21. Your car? paid!
22. your computer? uncooperative
23. Your life? blessed
24. Your mood? complacent
25. Missing someone? him
26. Favorite pastime? dancing
27. Something you're not wearing? make-up
28. Favorite Store? Target
29. Your summer? interesting
30. Your favorite color? hmmmm
31. When is the last time you laughed? earlier
32. Last time you cried? week