I dream of a
better world
where chickens
can cross the roads
without having
their motives
The whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me God.
I took a brief brake from blogging to be absolutely baffled by the world and those useless souls that take up precious oxygen within. My fascination of this group will give me feel for blogging in the years to come!
My Blogger page once introduced me as “The Original Desperate [Fire]house Wife.” And that is precisely what I was for three years…now I am the Ex-Desperate [Fire]house Wife out there, independently finding her way.
I am not one to air my dirty laundry. I want no sympathy, and I want no opinions. But when your privacy is breached and you have not personally made the situation well known, the gossip mills are free to turn. The last version I heard is that I was “whoring around which ruined my marriage and my husband left me.” I guess if people do not get their own explanation the pathetic ones need some sort of story to go on. Every marriage ending is tragic. Not every ending is twisted though. It is a shame really, taking someone else’s tragedy and making it seem tragically twisted…..
Rorie’s Story: I met the future firefighter @ church when my family moved to Mississippi. We started dating almost a year after we moved here. I was 14, he was 17. We lived maybe 12 houses away from each other throughout high school. Our parents were youth group leaders together and great friends. We had almost every Thanksgiving, both families all together, for 8 years. The firefighter actually proposed to me on one of those joint Thanksgivings and we were immediately able to share the news with our closets relatives. The famed “high school sweethearts” story. We had a dream wedding that my parents funded without batting an eye and a quaint honeymoon. We returned to a greater lifestyle than a 19 and 21 year old should expect: a house, an SUV, a sports car and a Chihuahua--seemingly perfect.
Everything takes work. We did not have to work terribly hard for the lifestyle we had obtained and that aided in both of us being selfish. We were selfish on so many accounts and didn’t put forth much “work” in building our life together or relationship. We just went with what we had already. Anything that proved to be effort was set aside. The mindset: we will have time to work on it later…
Later. It’s almost funny. I thought it, he thought it. We had all the time in the world to fix it. We would be the perfect married couple sometime in our 30’s maybe. We could be who we were or wanted to be for now.
It was drilled in our head’s that marriage was forever. It is drilled in most Christian’s heads. And I do not argue that. At the same time, I think that is why a lot of Christians get married so young. That is what you are supposed to do to live together and :gasp: have an intimate relationship. And that was what we wanted, so marriage is what we did.
From 14 to 22 and 17 to 24, there is obviously a lot of maturing. And if you do not make sure that you are both maturing towards the same ideals and dreams and growing together then thorns begin to grow in each person’s own garden. We grew to far apart to reach each other once we recognized and acknowledged the problems.
“State the obvious; I didn’t get my perfect fantasy. I realized you loved yourself more than you could ever love me” –Taylor Swift
I do not have to go any further into this because I know and he knows where we are at. And at this time we are both at peace with it.
We will not be bound together by children, or anything really but 8 years of memories. We have both expressed that we want the best for the other and have sucked up the cold hard truth that we are just not that. It is our reality and it is a blessing to get through this process cordially. My naive wish is that in the future we will be able to talk as friends, have better communication then than we did as husband and wife.
I am still not quite sure what part of my husband and I growing apart translated into me “whoring around.” But, in the end at least I am important enough to be the highlight of their conversations! To all of the pathetic people of the world, in dire need of entertainment: Whisper on!
My Blogger page once introduced me as “The Original Desperate [Fire]house Wife.” And that is precisely what I was for three years…now I am the Ex-Desperate [Fire]house Wife out there, independently finding her way.
I am not one to air my dirty laundry. I want no sympathy, and I want no opinions. But when your privacy is breached and you have not personally made the situation well known, the gossip mills are free to turn. The last version I heard is that I was “whoring around which ruined my marriage and my husband left me.” I guess if people do not get their own explanation the pathetic ones need some sort of story to go on. Every marriage ending is tragic. Not every ending is twisted though. It is a shame really, taking someone else’s tragedy and making it seem tragically twisted…..
Rorie’s Story: I met the future firefighter @ church when my family moved to Mississippi. We started dating almost a year after we moved here. I was 14, he was 17. We lived maybe 12 houses away from each other throughout high school. Our parents were youth group leaders together and great friends. We had almost every Thanksgiving, both families all together, for 8 years. The firefighter actually proposed to me on one of those joint Thanksgivings and we were immediately able to share the news with our closets relatives. The famed “high school sweethearts” story. We had a dream wedding that my parents funded without batting an eye and a quaint honeymoon. We returned to a greater lifestyle than a 19 and 21 year old should expect: a house, an SUV, a sports car and a Chihuahua--seemingly perfect.
Everything takes work. We did not have to work terribly hard for the lifestyle we had obtained and that aided in both of us being selfish. We were selfish on so many accounts and didn’t put forth much “work” in building our life together or relationship. We just went with what we had already. Anything that proved to be effort was set aside. The mindset: we will have time to work on it later…
Later. It’s almost funny. I thought it, he thought it. We had all the time in the world to fix it. We would be the perfect married couple sometime in our 30’s maybe. We could be who we were or wanted to be for now.
It was drilled in our head’s that marriage was forever. It is drilled in most Christian’s heads. And I do not argue that. At the same time, I think that is why a lot of Christians get married so young. That is what you are supposed to do to live together and :gasp: have an intimate relationship. And that was what we wanted, so marriage is what we did.
From 14 to 22 and 17 to 24, there is obviously a lot of maturing. And if you do not make sure that you are both maturing towards the same ideals and dreams and growing together then thorns begin to grow in each person’s own garden. We grew to far apart to reach each other once we recognized and acknowledged the problems.
“State the obvious; I didn’t get my perfect fantasy. I realized you loved yourself more than you could ever love me” –Taylor Swift
I do not have to go any further into this because I know and he knows where we are at. And at this time we are both at peace with it.
We will not be bound together by children, or anything really but 8 years of memories. We have both expressed that we want the best for the other and have sucked up the cold hard truth that we are just not that. It is our reality and it is a blessing to get through this process cordially. My naive wish is that in the future we will be able to talk as friends, have better communication then than we did as husband and wife.
I am still not quite sure what part of my husband and I growing apart translated into me “whoring around.” But, in the end at least I am important enough to be the highlight of their conversations! To all of the pathetic people of the world, in dire need of entertainment: Whisper on!
That friendship right there!
Smirnoff + Hornsbys + lil' tank tops + 'I sacked the quatrerback' Victoria's Secret boy shorts + sparatic furniture rearrangement = my evening last night.
I just needed a change. Honestly I should have been cleaning, but wanted to rearrange my home decor instead.
"I want to move that picture from the wall to the mantle."
"You have got to be kidding me, do you honestly think we can move that."
"I dunno, but I WANT TOO!"
"Ugh, you may want to but we can not move that just the two of us. Go dust or something else productive."
"I want to move it!" (I turn around to examine any other moves to make in the room)
"Ummmm. HELLO! Are you gonna help me, I just took this side off the wall!"
"Oooooo. Oh, ummm. Owwww. Holy hell that is heavy!"
"Uh, yeah!"
What a friend to move it despite her better judgement. And her friendship shined through even more so later as she was sweeping my floor while wearing a vale from an old dance costume of mine.... twas quite a sight and quite a night!
I just needed a change. Honestly I should have been cleaning, but wanted to rearrange my home decor instead.
"I want to move that picture from the wall to the mantle."
"You have got to be kidding me, do you honestly think we can move that."
"I dunno, but I WANT TOO!"
"Ugh, you may want to but we can not move that just the two of us. Go dust or something else productive."
"I want to move it!" (I turn around to examine any other moves to make in the room)
"Ummmm. HELLO! Are you gonna help me, I just took this side off the wall!"
"Oooooo. Oh, ummm. Owwww. Holy hell that is heavy!"
"Uh, yeah!"
What a friend to move it despite her better judgement. And her friendship shined through even more so later as she was sweeping my floor while wearing a vale from an old dance costume of mine.... twas quite a sight and quite a night!
Disappointment, and learning to dance in the rain
How deep did it cut when your parents would say, "We are not angry, we are just disappointed"....? Ouch. I would have rather them be pissed, because anger passes but disappointment lingers a little longer.
I have a few times in my adulthood understood the difference between anger and disappointment in someone and exactly where our parents were coming from with that statement.
But I always ponder, is it our faults that we disappoint, or our faults that we get disappointment? I mean I try my hardest not to disappoint anyone, to me that is a personal failure. But, do we personally set ourselves up to be vulnerable to disappointment?....by putting to much faith in someone or something?
I took the time yesterday to have the nervous breakdown I deserved. I only let those who are the closest to me in during this breakdown. And -I have to interject some cheesiness- I have the best support system one could hope for. They catered to "my day" as I had previously catered to theirs. But, there was one person that honestly disappointed me, or I let disappoint me. One person I was really counting on, not even for advice, but just to be a statue of solid strength. I only came to expect this because this is what they have always been to me. And, just one day, more than ever I needed this unwavering strength. For one day I needed to be allowed to be completely raw with my emotions and have them remove any "self" from the situation. To "just be" and be there for me. But, I felt like either myself or my situation was not being taken seriously, taken to heart, and "my pillar" let me down .... In the end, the reality of my disappointment in them hurt more than the numerous causes for my initial breakdown.
Last night I cried. Today the sky is crying, and hard. But I must learn: "It is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but more so about learning to dance in the rain." If the weekend continues to be dark and dreary, "I hope you dance."
I have a few times in my adulthood understood the difference between anger and disappointment in someone and exactly where our parents were coming from with that statement.
But I always ponder, is it our faults that we disappoint, or our faults that we get disappointment? I mean I try my hardest not to disappoint anyone, to me that is a personal failure. But, do we personally set ourselves up to be vulnerable to disappointment?....by putting to much faith in someone or something?
I took the time yesterday to have the nervous breakdown I deserved. I only let those who are the closest to me in during this breakdown. And -I have to interject some cheesiness- I have the best support system one could hope for. They catered to "my day" as I had previously catered to theirs. But, there was one person that honestly disappointed me, or I let disappoint me. One person I was really counting on, not even for advice, but just to be a statue of solid strength. I only came to expect this because this is what they have always been to me. And, just one day, more than ever I needed this unwavering strength. For one day I needed to be allowed to be completely raw with my emotions and have them remove any "self" from the situation. To "just be" and be there for me. But, I felt like either myself or my situation was not being taken seriously, taken to heart, and "my pillar" let me down .... In the end, the reality of my disappointment in them hurt more than the numerous causes for my initial breakdown.
Last night I cried. Today the sky is crying, and hard. But I must learn: "It is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but more so about learning to dance in the rain." If the weekend continues to be dark and dreary, "I hope you dance."
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